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Original / primary: Perseus Eng2
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(Calls at the door of her house.) Ho there, CrocotiumCrocotium: This name is derived from Crocus, which means the plant of that name, or saffron., go, fetch hither Gelasimus, the Parasite; bring him here with you. For, i’ faith, I wish to send him to the harbour, to see if, perchance, any ship from AsiaShip from Asia: Asia Minor was the place of resort, in those days for persons who wish to make money speedily. has arrived there yesterday or to-day. But, one servant has been sitting at the harbour whole days in waiting; still, however, I wish it to be visited every now and then. Make haste, and return immediately.
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GELASIMUS
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I do suspect that Famine was my mother; for since I was born I have never been filled with victuals. And no man could better return the favour to his mother, than do I right unwillingly return it to my mother, Famine. For in her womb, for ten months she bore me,
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whereas I have been carrying her for more than ten years in my stomach. She, too, carried me but a little child, wherefore I judge that she endured the less labour; in my stomach no little Famine do I bear, but of full growth, i’ faith, and extremely heavy.
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The labour-pains arise with me each day, but I’m unable to bring forth my mother, nor know I what to do. I’ve often heard it so said that the elephant is wontThe elephant is wont: Pliny the Elder informs us that this was the vulgar notion with regard to the elephant. He also says that Aristotle tells us that two years is the duration of its pregnancy. to be pregnant ten whole years; for sure this hunger of mine is of its breed.
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For now for many a year has it been clinging to, my inside. Now, if any person wants a droll fellow, I am on sale, with all my equipage: of a filling-up for these chasms am I in search. When little, my father gave me the name of GelasimusName of Gelasimus: Gelasimus signifies comical, laughable, funny, from the Greek verb γελάω, to laugh.,
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because, even from a tiny child, I was a droll chap. By reason of poverty, in fact, did I acquire this name, because, it was poverty that made me to be a droll; for whenever she reaches a person, she instructs him thoroughly in every art. My father used to say that I was born when provisions were dear;
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for that reason, I do believe, I am now the more sharply set. But on our family such complacence has been bestowed—I am in the habit of refusing no person, if any one asks me out to eat. One form of expression has most unfortunately died away with people, and one, i’ faith, most beseeming and most elegant to my thinking,
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which formerly they employed: Come here to dinner—do so—really, do promise—don’t make any difficulties—is it convenient?—I wish it to be so, I say; I’ll not part with you unless you come. But now, in the present day, they have found a substitute for these expressions—a saying, by my faith, truly right worthless and most vile:
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I’d invite you to dinner, were I not dining; out myself. I’ faith, I wish the very loins of that phrase broken, that it mayn’t repeat its perjury if he does dine at his own house. These phrases reduce me to learn foreign habitsForeign habits: By barbaros mores, he probably alludes to the Roman custom of selling by auction, which was one of the duties of the praeco, or herald, here rendered auctioneer. Plautus frequently speaks at one moment as though addressing a Greek. and at the next, a Roman, audience., and to spare the necessity for an auctioneer,
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and so proclaim the auction, and put myself up for sale.
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CROCOTIUM
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This is the Parasite, whom I’ve been sent to fetch. I’ll listen to what he’s saying, before I accost him.
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GELASIMUS
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Now there are a good many curious mischief-makers here, who, with extreme zeal, busy themselves with the affairs of other people,
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and who have themselves no affairs of their own to busy themselves with. They, when they know that any one is about to have an auction, go forthwith and sift out what’s the reason; whether a debt compels it, or whether he has purchased a farm; or whether, on a divorce, her marriage-portion is to be repaid to his wifeTo be repaid to his wife: If the divorce took place by mutual consent, then the dos, or marriage-portion, of the wife was returned. Such a circumstance occurring on a sudden, might very easily cause a necessity for recourse to the services of the auctioneer..
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All these, although, i’ faith, I don’t judge them undeserving, in their most wretched state, to go toiling on, I don’t care about. I’ll proclaim the reason of my auction, that they may rejoice in my mishaps, for there’s no person a busybody but what he’s ill-natured too. Very great mishaps, alas! have befallen wretched me.
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So dreadfully afflicted has my propertyHas my property: Mancupium, or mancipium, was any species of property possessed by right of purchase. He here considers the dinners and the drinking-bouts, which he so misses, in the light of property to himself; the more especially as they had been purchased at the price of his logi, his puns, or bon mots. rendered me: my many drinking-bouts are dead and gone; how many dinners, too, that I’ve bewailed, are dead! how many a draught of honeyed wine; how many breakfasts, too, that I have lost within these last three years!
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In my wretchedness, for very grief and vexation have I quite grown old. I’m almost dead with hunger.
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CROCOTIUM
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There’s no one such a droll, as he is when he is hungry.
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GELASIMUS
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Now am I resolved that I’ll make a sale: out of doorsOut of doors: Foras; abroad, out of doors. The sales by auction took place in the open street. am I obliged to sell whatever I possess.
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Attend, if you please; the bargains will be for those who are present. I’ve funny bon motsFunny bon mots: Logos. This word is the Greek λογὸς, signifying a word, or a witty saying, in a Latin clothing. It exactly corresponds with the expression bon mots, which we have similarly borrowed from the French. to sell. Come, bid your price. Who bids a dinner? Does any one bid a breakfast? They’ll cost vou an Herculean breakfastAn Herculean breakfast: It is hard to say what he means by Herculeum prandium: but, as Hercules was supposed to send good luck to those who gave him the tenths of their property, whether that property consisted of a house or a meal, his meaning probably is, Whoever invites me to a meal, that meal shall be as lucky to him as though he had sent the tenth part of it as an offering to Hercules. or dinner. Ho, there! (to one of the SPECTATORS) did you nod to me? No one will offer you better—
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I won’t allow that any Parasite has better
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quibbles, cajoleries, and parasitical white liesParasitical white lies: Perjeratiunculas parasiticas. Literally, parasitical little perjuries. This is probably meant in reference to the adjurations so common among the ancients on the most trivial occasions, and of which the Parasite promises to be lavish in speaking in praise of his entertainer. The diminutive uncula suits the measure, and also shows the air of self- satisfaction with which he mentions that which he takes to be of the same harmless nature which some easy casuists among ourselves attribute to what they choose to call white lies. Indeed, the ancients esteemed perjury very much according to the subject on which it was employed. Ovid mentions Mercury as laughing at the perjuries of cheating tradesmen, and Jupiter as smiling at those of lovers; surely, then, a little bit of a perjury (the true meaning of perjeratiuncula) could not be amiss on an occasion so trivial, and yet, to the Parasite, so all-important, as the acquisition of a good dinner..
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I’m selling a rusty flesh-scraperA rusty flesh-scraper: The strigil was an instrument used by the Greeks and Romans in the place of the flesh-brush of modern times. It was made of bone, iron, copper, and sometimes of silver. It was used after taking the sudatorium, or sweating-bath, for the purpose of scraping the perspiration from the body. These instruments were of curved form, and in shape somewhat resembled our tongue-scrapers on a large scale. Rich persons took slaves with them to the baths for the purpose of scraping them. From Hesychius, Athenaeus, and Theophrastus, we learn that Parasites were much in the habit of spunging for entertainers at the public baths; and, no doubt, they generally had ready, for an emergency, both a strigil and a bottle of perfumed ointment, as a handy medium of introduction to strangers., too; a rusty-coloured brown bottleA rusty-coloured brown bottle: The ampulla, or bottle, was probably a lorea, or leather one, and had turned of a rusty-brown colour from age.
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for the Greek unguentsGreek unguents: By mentioning Greek unguents, Plautus here recollects that he is addressing a Latin audience. The Greek cosmetics and perfumes were much esteemed at Rome. Ovid, in the Art of Love, mentions the Athenian oesypum, which was much used by the Roman ladies for making the complexion clear. It was made from the sweat and grease of the fleeces of the sheep of Attica. at the sweating-bathsThe sweating-baths: The sudatorium, or vapour or sweating bath, was also called by the Romans Laconicum; because it was the habit of the Lacedaemonians to strip and anoint themselves, without using warm water, after the perspiration caused by athletic exercises. Cicero styles it assa, because it produced perspiration by means of a dry hot atmosphere. After it had been used, and the strigil applied to the skin, the bather was dried with towels, and then anointed, when the unctiones Graecae of the Parasite would be in demand. These were used either to close the pores of the skin and to prevent the person from catching cold, or to keep the skin from being rough when dried with the towel. Probably the Parasites were ready to give a hand on an emergency in assisting to rub down and anoint the bather, especially if he was known to keep a good cuisine.; delicate after-dinner powdersAfter-dinner powders: Crapularios. These were probably soft and tasteless (malacos) powders, used, like our dinner-pills, in order to prevent the bad effects of heating the stomach with rich food and excess of wine. A clover Parasite would, of course, always have these in readiness on an emergency.;
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an empty Parasite as well (pointing to himself), in whom to lay by your scraps. ’Tis needful that these should be sold at once for as much as they can; that, if I offer the tenth part. to HerculesTenth part to Hercules: He seems to be about to give a fictitious reason for his anxiety to get a dinner—that, forsooth, like a pious man he may have the greater amount of tithes to present to Hercules. The hiatus precludes as from forming any very determinate opinion on the meaning of the passage., on that account it may be greater
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CROCOTIUM
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An auction of no great value, by my troth. Hunger has taken hold of the very deepest recess of the fellow’s stomach. I’ll accost the man.
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GELASIMUS
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Who’s this that’s coming towards me? Why, surely this is Crocotium, the maid-servant of Epignomus.
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CROCOTIUM
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My respects, Gelasimus.
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GELASIMUS
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That’s not my name.
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CROCOTIUM
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I’ faith, for sure that used to be your name.
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GELASIMUS
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Distinctly it was so, but I’ve lost it by use. Now I’m called MiccotrogusMiccotrogus: This is a Greek compound word, which signifies crumb-eater; in it he alludes to his short commons. from what is fact.
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CROCOTIUM
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O dear! I’ve laughed a good deal at you to-day.
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GELASIMUS
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When? or in what place?
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CROCOTIUM
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Here, when you were carrying on a most worthless auction.
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GELASIMUS
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How now; did you really hear it?
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CROCOTIUM
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Aye, and one really right worthy of yourself.
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GELASIMUS
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Where are you bound for now?
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CROCOTIUM
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For yourself.
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GELASIMUS
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Why have you come?
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CROCOTIUM
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Philumena bade me ask you by all means to come to visit her at her house this instant, together with me.
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GELASIMUS
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I’ faith, but I’ll surely come there as fast as I can. Are the entrails cookedAre the entrails cooked: It has been already remarked, that after the sacrifice, the Gods having received their portion, the devotee took home the remainder, and invited his friends to come to his house and partake of it. The Parasite was not, perhaps, much in the wrong when he deemed a lamb’s fry no bad dish. St. Paul alludes to this custom when he tells the converts to keep themselves from things offered to idols.—Acts, ch. xv., v. 20; and ch. xxi. v. 25. by this? With how many lambs has she been sacrificing?
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CROCOTIUM
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Indeed, she hasn’t been sacrificing at all.
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GELASIMUS
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How? What does she want with me, then?
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CROCOTIUM
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I think that she’s going to ask you for ten measures of wheat.
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GELASIMUS
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Or me rather ask it of her?
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CROCOTIUM
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No; that you yourself should lend them to us.
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GELASIMUS
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Tell her that I’ve nothing to give myself, or that she could wish to borrow, nor anything whatever, except this cloak that I have on. Even my very tongue that so freely used to offer itselfThat so freely used to offer itself: It is very difficult to say exactly what the Parasite means by lingua dataria. Perhaps he means to tell the girl that he is in a bad humour—that he now gives nothing at all, not even his tongue, which has been hitherto dataria, or at the service of everybody. Now, however, he will put it up to sale by auction, and in future, before he says dabo, I’ll give you my tongue or, in other words, my company he will say, cedo, give me, or tell me what is your offer or bidding. I’ve sold as well.
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CROCOTIUM
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How? Have you got no tongue?
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GELASIMUS
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Why, the former one, that used to say here, take meHere take me: Dabo. Literally, I will give., I’ve lost: see, here’s one now that says give me.
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CROCOTIUM
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A curse may the Gods give you
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GELASIMUS
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Aye, if a curse you want, this same tongue will give you that.
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CROCOTIUM
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Well now, are you coming or not?
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GELASIMUS
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Well, be off home;
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tell her I’ll be there this moment; make haste and be off. (CROCOTIUM goes into the house.)
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I wonder why she has requested me to be fetched to her, who has never, before this day, requested that I should be fetched to her, ever since her husband left. I wonder what it can be; except it is for some experiment to be made upon me; I’ll go see what she wants.
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But see, here’s her boy, Pinacium. Look at that now; how very facetiously and just like a pictureJust like a picture: Ex picturâ. Literally, out of a picture. He means, that he has assumed some attitude at that moment like that of a person in a picture or like a model in statuary, to which the word pictura also applies. does he stand? Full many a time, for sure, in good troth, has he poured out for me the wine, almost unmixed, right cleverly into a very tiny cupIn a very tiny cup: Pauxillulo. Most probably this is said in an ironical way. He perhaps refers to some injunction which, in his former and more palmy days, he had given to the boy when waiting at table, to be sure and provide him with a large cup, and not to mix too much water with the wine. indeed.
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PINACIUM
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Mercury, who is said to be the messenger of Jove, never bore such pleasing tidings to his father, as I shall e’en now be telling to my mistress.
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So loaded do I bear my breast with joy and with delight; and really I don’t care to speak a syllable but in a highflown style. The charms of all the loves and graces do I bring; my heart, too, is overleaping its banks, and overflowing with joyousness.
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Now have you the means of acquiring glory, fame, and honor; make haste, Pinacium, exhort your feet to swiftness, grace your message by your deeds, and come to the rescue of your mistress in her need who is so wretched in awaiting the arrival of her husband, Epignomus; just as becomes her does she dote upon her husband, and anxiously long for him. Now, Pinacium,
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do as pleases you, run on, just as you like; take care and regard no person at the value of a straw; thrust them from the path with your elbows; make right smooth your way. If a, king shall come in your way, upset the king himself forthwith.
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GELASIMUS
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Why, I wonderWhy I wonder: Quidnam dicam. Literally, what shall I or must I say; exactly corresponding to our phrase I wonder why., is Pinacium running so overladen with baggageOverladen with baggage: Lixabundum. The lixae were the free suttlers or dealers, who followed the Roman armies. Their name is said to have been derived from the old Latin word lixa, water, probably because they originally supplied the army with water. Lixabundus here means laden with baggage, in allusion to the fishing-tackle which the lad is carrying.? He’s carrying a rod, and a basket, and a fish-hook.
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PINACIUM
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But yet, I think ’tis proper that my mistress should come with entreaty to me, and that she should send envoys to me, and gifts of gold, and chariots in which for me to be borne, for I can’t go on foot. Therefore I shall now go back. (Turns back.) I think it is only proper that I should be approached and addressed with entreaties. And do you really think that it’s mere nonsense or nothing at all that I am now acquainted with?
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Blessings so great am I carrying from the harbour, joys so extensive am I bringing, that hardly could my mistress herself presume to wish this of the Gods, if she were to know it. And am I to carry it, then, of my own accord? It pleases me not, nor do I think that the duty of a man. This way does it seem to be better suited to this news of mine; let her come to meet me, let her entreat me to communicate to her this news.
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Haughtiness and pride befit prosperous fortunes. But, at last, when I reconsider it, how could she know that I know this? (Turning round.) Well, I can’t do otherwise than return, than speak, than relate it at length, and relieve my mistress of her grief, and both mightily increase the good deeds of my ancestors, and present her with a comfort unhoped for and opportune.
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I’ll outdo the deeds of TalthybiusTalthybius: Talthybius was the Grecian herald, who, with Eurybates, was sent by Agamemnon to Achilles, to fetch away Hippodamia or Briseis., and I’ll set all messengers at nought, and at the same time I’ll think about the running at the Olympic games. But this distanceBut this distance: He here alludes to the comparative narrowness of the stage, which would not allow him room to practise for the cursura, or running at the Olympic games. The stadium, or place for running at these games, was about a furlong in length. is far too short for the course; how sorry for it I am. How’s this? I see the door’s closed. I’ll go and knock at the door. (Knocks at the door of PHILUMENA’S house.) Open, and make haste, cause the door to be thrown open; away with all delay.
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This matter is attended to too carelessly; see how long I’ve been standing here and knocking. Are you indulging yourselves with a nap? I’ll try whether the door or my arms and feet are the stronger. (Knocks and kicks.) I wish much that this door would run away from its master, that for that reason it might meet with a heavy punishmentA heavy punishment: He wishes that the door was in the condition of a slave, and that it had run away from its master, and then it would receive a severe punishment for its obduracy—malum magnum.. I’m tired of knocking. Well, be this the last for you.
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GELASIMUS
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I’ll go and accost him. (Accosts PINACIUM.) Good day to you.
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PINACIUM
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And good day to you.
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GELASIMUS
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Are you turned fisherman, then?
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PINACIUM
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How long is it since you ate?
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GELASIMUS
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Whence come you? What are you carrying? Why are you in a hurry?
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PINACIUM
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About that which is no business of yours, don’t you trouble yourself.
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GELASIMUS
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What’s there in that?
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PINACIUM
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Snakes, for you to eat.
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GELASIMUS
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Why are you so pettish?
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PINACIUM
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If you had any shame, you wouldn’t address me.
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GELASIMUS
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May I learn the truth from you?
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PINACIUM
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You may; this day you’ll get no dinner.
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PHILUMENA
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Who now, pray, is breaking this door down? (To GELASIMUS.) Are you doing this? Do you come to me like an enemy?
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GELASIMUS
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My respects to you; I come at your bidding.
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PHILUMENA
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And is it for that reason you are breaking down my door?
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GELASIMUS
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Scold your own people; the offenders are your own. I came to see what you wanted me for. Why, for my own part, I pitied this door.
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PINACIUM
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For that reason your assistance was given so very readily.
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PHILUMENA
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Pray, who’s that, talking here so near to us?
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GELASIMUS
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Pinacium.
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PHILUMENA
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Where is he?
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PINACIUM
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Attend to me, and leave alone that needy Parasite, Philumena.
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PHILUMENA
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Pinacium.
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PINACIUM
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That name my elders gave me.
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PHILUMENA
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What’s your business
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PINACIUM
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What’s my business, do you ask?
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PHILUMENA
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Why shouldn’t I ask it?
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PINACIUM
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What’s yours with me?
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PHILUMENA
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Do you insult me, impudent fellow? Answer me, this very instant, Pinacium.
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PINACIUM
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Bid those, then, to let me alone, who are detaining me.
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PHILUMENA
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Who are detaining you?
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PINACIUM
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Do you ask me that? A lassitude is in possession of all my limbs.
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PHILUMENA
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Well, I know right well that it’s not in possession of your tongue.
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PINACIUM
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With such rapid speed have I been hastening from the harbour, for the sake of your own well-doing.
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PHILUMENA
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Why, do you bring any good news?
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PINACIUM
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I bring more, by very much, than you expect.